Migrating to
Divorce related depression
In my practice I see a lot of people. A little over 20 people a day will be seen fleetingly while I make a spot diagnosis and I manage conditions ranging from worried for no apparent reason, to full blown pneumonias. During this limited time that I have I get quite a few mental health issues that I have to deal with in fleeting fashion.
I have seen a couple of young men that came to see me for depression after a girlfriend has left them but a week or so ago I saw one middle aged man complaining of low mood. He was my last patient and I was already running late anyway so my heart sank once he started talking. In order to see a patient like him quickly you need to focus on the symptoms: anhedonia, low mood, low energy, disturbed sleeping pattern, suicidal ideation throw in some anti-depressants and off you go.
But I listened to this man’s story with interest:
Over a year ago he found out that his wife was cheating on him with another man, a boyfriend of sorts. A man who he thought was his friend. When he found out he became furious. His wife waited for him one day in the middle of the living room and announced the affair to him. Apparently he was not being himself and was no longer the man that he married. She then asked for a divorce. He was so angry and shocked that he took the car and drove off to have a beer at the nearest pubs to cool off because he felt like he was going to hurt her.
When he came back his wife and children were gone. They left and went to live with her new boyfriend at his house in an area near to where he used to live. In the meantime she filed for divorce and he was unable to see his children. He had no right to enter the man’s house and his then wife kept them locked in the other man’s house. He told me that he was not able to get access to his children without breaking and entering. He consulted a solicitor and a court order that stopped the children from leaving the area was put in place.
His divorce took ages to finalise. He said that it took at least 10 months until the decisions was final. His wife explained to the court that he had no intention of leaving the area and that she had no problem with her husband having access to her children. Yes he told me that she always called the children her children. Once the divorce was finalised and the court order was lifted she moved within a week to an area hundreds of miles away from where she agreed to. So in order for this father to visit he had to take a train, pick his children up, bring them back to his place for 2 days and then take them back and come back himself. The whole time of the trips put together was 8 hours. The money he needed to spend to do that was well beyond what he could afford.
During this time, he became depressed. He had all the classical signs that I described before. He also attempted suicide twice and he stopped both times because he was scared that his memory would be ridiculed by his ex-wife and her new boy-toy. Due to all this time that his wife spent isolating the children away from him, she had poisoned them with ideas that their father doesn’t love them and doesn’t want them anymore in his life. That’s the reason he was not visiting, that’s the reason he was not talking to them on the phone. She failed to mention that the man was unable to do all these things.
He gained weight, he started drinking, he was taking anti-depressants. He was having counselling and CBT and nothing was working for him. As I was sitting there I couldn’t help to think that his reactions were completely normal. His entire life was taken away and destroyed within a couple of hours. His dedicated work towards his family has been eradicated and replaced by poisonous lies that his children have no choice but listen to.
What else could I do to help this man but listen. I listened and listened and listened and I could offer him nothing more. I increased the dose of his anti-depressant but I knew it wouldn’t work. I promised to see him again. I explained that there is always help around if he needs it. I couldn’t help but think that this man will eventually kill himself and there would be nothing in this world that we could do about it. Sure we could section him in a hospital, but so what? He was intelligent, he would lie his way out and do it anyway. It’s not the first time I saw it happening. We could try changing the way he was thinking, but how could we rationalise any of these things that he was describing.
I ended up listening like a friend and offering support and along some pharmacological support.
This is not the first person with divorce related depression that I saw. He won’t be the last either. I wanted to talk to him about mgtow. I wanted to tell him that he is not the only one with similar problems. But I couldn’t…
I hope he improves and gets better but my gut tells me he won’t.
If you are feeling down for any relationship related issue there is support out there. Get the numbers from the internet and write them down on the corner of your desk. You might need it one day.
This was Niko Choski talking about all things man.
Does she really love you?
I have written about this before. In my honest opinion men and women love in different ways. Since I am a man, I see it from the man’s point of view where love mean self sacrifice and self devotion in providing and raising a family or at least that’s what I have been taught. I mean on some level what I was taught must be rooted in my biology and it makes sense for providing protection and resources to a family during archaic times where man was the only tool that could support a family. Back then a woman spent most of the time at home ( admittedly also because she had to ) in order to protect and raise children as long as perform the house chores which were back in the day a full time job. So education and the well-being of children fell mostly on the shoulders of the woman and men were mostly providers.
These archaic feelings are still driving our attraction and guiding our gender roles. With the introduction of feminism and the wider acceptance of the equality of women as a result by the majority of the men in the world, women now share equal rights. They find themselves for the first time in history sharing an ability with the man for the equal acquisition of resources. However that archaic emotion to find a provider, that hypergamous nature is still kicking strong in women.
A woman will love a man for what he is, rather than who he is. What he is is equally and the majority of the times more important than who the man is inside. That is a great distinction because what a man is can change from a minute to minute. A man will love a woman for who she is and admittedly how she looks. When the power of attraction has died out (when the woman is no longer attractive to that man) that woman will be a man’s friend which will reinforce his commitment to her. I presume the same will go for the woman, but we all know how women treat their friends.
That’s why a lot of the men in the mansophere, #MRM and #MGTOW don’t believe a woman can love. I still maintain that a woman can love in her own biologically enabled way. But she will definitely not love like a man.
In the video below I am listing my top 10 ways of telling when a woman loves you. They are my own top 10 ways and as such they are simple and lack a lot of in depth discussion. They represent anecdotes from my personal life and from my previous relationships with women who I knew 100% loved me at the time.
I hope I have not angered MGTOW’s and MRM’s who believe that love is only an attribute of the male mind. I maintain in my head that women and men both love but love in different ways. The ways of course I outlined above and if you read closely you will understand that our views agree more than disagree.
Have a look and listen closely.
Also if you have the opportunity take a look at my channel found here and subscribe if you want to view more.
The ten commandments on spotting and avoiding a bitch
Men have all come across bitches in their dating lives. I guess in the same way that women have come across controlling assholes. But I don’t care about the assholes. This blog is about men so here’s my advice on how to avoid bitchy women. Women that will likely drink the life out of you.
Number one:
A bitch will never pay for a date. Why would she? She feels entitled to the extra-nice treatment that you are giving her
Number two:
A bitch will constantly interrupt you when you are talking only to put you down. You know what I am talking about… You are there arguing your corner, she interrupts you mid conversation throws some bullshit about emotional wellbeing and you can’t understand women and BAAM you are out of the conversation.
Number three:
A bitch will only communicate with you because she wants something. She might then reach the epiphany state and want to marry you and put out after years of rejecting you. Fuck her. She will take away all that you worked to achieve.
Number four:
A bitch will get overly jealous. Your woman should get jealous, she should! You are a price worth keeping. But if that bitch gets jealous to the point she thinks she can dictate your actions… dump her. Better, cheat on her with her friend, then dump her and her friend.
Number five:
A bitch will sleep with her friends boyfriend. Need I elaborate more?
Number six:
A bitch will try to isolate you from your friends. You know the bitch I am talking about, the one who is always talking shit about your closest of friends because they do not include her… the bitch who wants to remain the centre of your Universe. That bitch will create a world where you are completely isolated and then dump your ass. At that point you will have no girlfriend, but also you will have no friends.
Number seven:
A bitch will make you choose. “It’s either me or (input any kind of thing here)”. You have a bit of time to enjoy for yourself, don’t be with someone who makes you choose. Always choose yourself.
Number eight:
A bitch will constantly remind you of anniversaries, birthdays and any fucking reason to receive a present. I smell a gold digger, do you? Get out as fast as you can and don’t forget to get your wallet.
Number nine:
A bitch will constantly remind you that men and women can be friends. Of course they can, but who is she trying to convince? Why is she trying to convince you… Is she perhaps hiding her Plan B guy in plain sight? Hmmmmmmmm You should be suspicious of that bitch, which means you won’t trust her and therefore you should dump her.
Number ten:
A bitch is any woman who describes herself as a feminist. Try to talk to her, try to reason with her. If she doesn’t understand then you should dump her ass. That will reinforce her opinion about men, she will hate us even more, she will grow hair out of her armpits, turn fat and at least you would have done the rest of the men a favour.
That’s it. Follow these ten commandments closely.
This was Niko Choski speaking about all things man.
Self-respect
Don’t back down, stick to your guns, discuss your opinion to the death, those are all normal when it comes to male to male relationships. That’s how I am with my friends and I believe that’s how most people are with their friends. I find it difficult however, to persuade them about matters of self respect when it comes to their relationships with women. They constantly seem to back down to their woman’s opinion. She seems to be the one running the show.
I see this all the time around me. The young men are being steered around and made to chase after the girlfriends. They are beaten down waiting for hours and hours to carry her shopping. They sit on the one uncomfortable stool in the middle of the store. You can see that they are beaten. Yet they don’t know it. They have lost all self-respect that they had. But they don’t know it. They do not understand it. They might come to understand it if they wake up to the red pill either during or after their relationship ends. But it’s too late for that relationship. Once you have lost the frame you have lost all chance of being in control. The woman knows she’s got you under control. She will increase her unreasonable demands to the point that you cannot stand it anymore. She will cheat on you. Even when she gets caught she will talk emotion, a language that you do not understand, blame the other person and blame you for what happened And you might still be around. If she wins that battle any chance of maintaining your self respect has disappeared.
In this video I share a story that happened to me and actually stirred me up a little bit. It made me feel guilty about the way I treated another man. I felt no guilt towards the woman as I saw her as equally and possibly more guilty than me. I have slept with women that have been dating other people, with women who had husbands and children and have not given it a second thought. However, I felt really guilty during this attempt. I felt guilty because I met the guy randomly in a club while I was flirting with both his girlfriend and her cousin. Both of whom I successfully slept with in the end. Sadly, after a while I could not get his picture out of my head as for some strange reason. No matter how much rational thinking I put into it, it simply felt wrong. I felt like I was promoting an injustice to an innocent person.
I tried to eventually tell the poor schmug but she lied her way back into his bed. I could not relate to him any longer and my guilt disappeared as he was no longer a guy that reminded me of myself or any of my friends. I lost any respect that I had for him as he kept a lying cheating bitch in his bed. His self-respect had plummeted and proved once for all that he like most others prays at the ministry of vagina.
Why did she leave me?
The most common question a man will ask you after his girlfriend has left him for a better guy. Well we are all focusing too much on the reason. I don’t think the reason matters. It really doesn’t Women will leave you due to their hypergamous nature and our inadequacy in satisfying their every ‘want’. However, why do we focus so much on such questions. Why as men does it reflect so badly on our inner sense of self. Why does it shake the foundations upon which we have built everything that we believe in?
It’s simple. It’s because we do not act as men anymore. This is taking nothing away from our sexuality. I am well aware given the opportunity we would gladly go for hours on a girl and give her the moneyshot. No… this is not what I am saying. I believe that the men of our generation have been brainwashed to believe every single piece of information that comes out of that black box as truth. We have been oppressed throughout our lives to politically correct thinking and we have managed to submit our free thinking to a feminist censored media. I think it’s time to claim back our manhood and conquer our fears.
If we admit the truth to ourselves and reflect on what we want most. If we fight, and try all the time to improve ourselves and ignore that small voice in our heads that tells us that we are no good without a woman in our lives, then we can shift forward into achieving all we want. The money, sex and women are a side effect of that successful drive that’s simply fighting to get out.
Men going their own way
People do things for different reasons. Mine was a simple reason.
I broke up from a relationship and following that I started reverting back to my old self and to the reality that I came to understand. In retrospect as this happened over a year ago, I was reverting back to my roots. I have been successful with women in the past. Therefore I considered returning to my roots to include interaction and unconditional sex with partners. Even though I achieved that, I had the unfortunate luck of entering the feminine world and having to deal with their mind games.
I pride myself in having experienced the world. I worked hard and I achieved everything I have right now on my own. I still work hard and I still achieve things again on my own. I don’t remember anyone helping at any step of the way. Even my dream of being a doctor was expressed by me and chased by me from the age of 6 until its eventual completion. I am not going to lie, having a dream puts a drive; a purpose in your life. A man is nothing without a purpose. Purpose is what I had and what I lost as soon as I became a doctor at the age of 26. Since then I have been searching for that purpose and that coupled with a breakup of a LTR, it made me reflect a lot on myself and my actions over the past years.
That’s when I first came across Rollo Tomassi and where I started reading about the differences between men and women – blue and redpill men etc. I understood everything that he explained. After all I wasn’t as young and naive as I was before and as such I completely got what he was explaining. It’s weird how when you are aware, and I think by the time I came across the website, I was red pill aware I just didn’t have a name for it and there was this man who explained everything in coined terms that explained everything in the world I was experiencing.
I live in the UK and in the world that I was experiencing nothing made sense. For example I could not understand how women were behaving so irrationally and aggressively. How women had no respect for their men, themselves and other women. There was a war going on out there. I didn’t feel like being a part of it. I had been involved with women who in my mind loved the image of me that they had in their heads. And when I looked back at my relationships I remember controlling the frame, the frame that as Tomassi put it everything. I had a drive, I had a dream, nothing could stand between me and my dream. I remember the arguments that I had with women about my dream. That I should put my relationship first, or that I don’t give them enough time because I am too focused on medicine and my future. In a way Medicine became a mistress in their heads, someone to compete with. And whenever I grew tired, because believe me, it is hard work studying that particular field, they would take the upper hand and drive me into the path of destruction. Whenever I felt like I was being pulled in their own world of me-me-me-me, I would snap back into my old mode and break-up the relationship.
I call that mode survival mode. I read up a lot. I grew up not being in touch with feelings and unable to understand others very well, so I read and read and studied and practiced body language, emotional language. I looked to my female siblings as lab rats and understood their behaviours and analysed their actions rather than their language. Therefore, as soon as I could see that in a woman’s world it’s all me-me-me-me, I had to get out. I had to snap back and care for myself.
Truthfully, to this day I believe a woman’s self is only shared between her and her child. There is not a lot left for her man. The man in a household is a commanding presence, something that I had to look back at my own personal life to understand. My father and mother kept the relationship going because my dad was a commanding presence. My grandfather was and still is a commanding presence. My uncles had, at least for the most part, commanding presences in their marriages. None of them was a wife beater, none of them was an abuser, none of them was anything less than perfect with his children. They just took no shit and took no notice of their wives. I was lucky to be raised like that. However, no matter how lucky I was, I still took in the hollywood bullshit and the feminist propaganda in the media.
So I was fortunate enough to come across The game which explained a lot of things. That combined with body language that I had learned. My brain in constant search of answers to questions and my better than average looks was a combination for short-term success.
I use the term short-term success because that’s what my male friends in relationships called it. I mean, I was happy with my short-term successes. No feelings involved, things going my way. No care in the world. But I got pushed into the fantasy of LTR. I tried it, multiple times because I wanted to see what the fuss was all about, plus I wanted to see if I could indeed survive a LTR and prolong it. The merits of LTR were explained to me by multiple friends, who I later understood to be absolutely beta in their behaviours. I could not be that way in my relationships. I felt like I was suffocating every time that that happened. I reverted to survival mode and buggered off to a new land.
Again hit by society’s expectation of me, I looked up of what was potentially wrong with me. I looked and looked and read a lot of feminine bullshit, which did not make any sense. The world did not actually work that way. I had experienced it, I knew it from my personal life, I saw successful LTR where the men are happy and also are allowed to be men and it did not look like that.
I tried what I did best again with a little twist at the end. Non-exclusive sex partners with the added benefit of the doubt. I spent time with them, made absolutely clear to them that I did not want to be exclusive, I did not want to be in a relationship and continued pursuing my own goals. Every single one of them uttered the words “I love you” and I want you in my life. Women want what they can’t have. They tried manipulating me into relationships and I pushed them away in a very clearcut manner. It seems to be that when you don’t really care, when you don’t want more in your life, women respect that. Not rationally, not in the comments section of videos about this issue. But definitely in the personal life. They were definitely more respectful of me and definitely more appreciative of the time we had together. However they still continued to play their games, the shit tests as I call them.
One of them actually tried faking a pregnancy as she could feel me slipping away. What I find remarkable here is that, a woman thought she could convince me that she was pregnant with my child. Me, a doctor. Who for the most part calculates everything that he does and the likely repercussions to health and life. I called her bluff. Did not reveal that I knew she was bluffing. I told her bluntly in person:
” I will have the child and raise it by myself, but you I don’t want in my life. You can go, but don’t worry I will raise the child. ”
Then she magically lost the child, a viable pregnancy by my estimation of 3 months, that simply flashed down the toilet. I never had sex with her again and I never saw her again. She still messages me every now and then but I know for a fact she wasn’t pregnant. She instigated the whole thing. She tried to persuade me of the lie and I called it.
But then I think of all the men without any medical training. Men who are actually nice, actually won’t dare to question a woman’s motives. How many have been trapped by their games. I want to have a son and teach him the tactics that women play in order to control our natures and our passions and ultimately our lives. To leave us a wreck, a shell of ourselves. The worst thing is that they don’t do it on purpose. Yes their plans are elaborate but the emotions of rejection, of finding someone who in their mind “just gets it” and letting him walk away is not acceptable. So she is to try everything to control it. Even after defeat she will still try. There is no sense of pride in the actions as all she has to do to survive, is persuade a small group of friends that it’s true and that’s it.
We need to be careful. We need to be vigilant and I guess in essence we need to go our own way. The risks of the game are simply not worth it. Unlike Sandman, I believe in sex with girls. I do not believe in the complete sexodus. I believe in simply enjoying them and then enjoying myself without them. But as this war is going to rage on between the sexes, we need to be very vigilant as they have the upper hand when it comes to the law.
As a friend of mine says: “Accept them, don’t hate them. They can’t help it. But above all don’t ever love them. Just like the Ancient Greeks used to believe, Love should be reserved for men. What we should have for women is want.”
